If you'd like, you can find me on tumblr.

I am laciestanton on tumblr.

laciestanton.tumblr.com

My blog is called "Too Much Me"

You should find me, as I am doing well.  I find that tumblr is a much more active and immediate community.  You should all try it if you haven't yet, because it has helped me so much.  I am not 150lbs.  I'm 130lbs now, and decreasing.  I haven't been here much.

I wonder where all of you have gone.

Tumblr.

Since I'm starting all over from the beginning...I think I'm going to move to Tumblr.  I'm still going to keep this, but I won't update it as much. 

DIET PILL HELP, please.

So there I was, standing in the aisle at CVS, looking at diet pills.  There are so many, and I don't know what I'm looking at.  I've done some online research, but I don't really know what to trust.  So after a worried look from a pharmacist organizing the aisle, I left. 

I really need someones help...I just want to know maybe what you use, or what you've heard was really good.  I need an actual person's take on these things, not just what a website is telling me.  Please help <3

I need something with low caffiene, low price ($20-$30), and no awful side effects. 

Lacie Stanton

"Just a little bit thinner, and maybe I'd get there."

I haven't eaten actual food in almost three days. I'm on my period though...so I just haven't weighed myself because I know the scale probably will not change.  Today I had some trouble though...I was out with Justin (an old boyfriend) and its just like whenever I'm with him, I feel okay.  So eating doesn't feel bad.  But then when I get home, it does.  And I ran for a long time, and worked out...trying to get rid of it.  I don't know why he makes me feel so good about myself.  He is the only one who has every made me feel beautiful.  And he makes me feel like I am skinny, and like I can eat, because I can't be any better than I already am.  I feel like that when I'm with him, but then when I get home, and I'm left with thinking about everything I ate...I feel awful.  So I think I'm going to have to work harder whenever I'm with him.  He always notices though.  Last time when we'd hangout, he'd always offer to make ramen noodles or grilled cheese or macaroni and cheese for me...because he knows those are my favorites.  He wants me to eat.  He notices when I don't.  Even today when I wasn't going to get a pretzel at first, he knew I hadn't eaten yet all day, and he just got this really terrible look in his eyes, as if to say "Oh no, not again."  He was disappointed too...like he'd failed or something.  He just said "You haven't eaten all day." and stared at me.  So I got a pretzel.  Kind of for him.  I eat to make him happy sometimes like that.  I don't want him to worry...I want him to think that everything is okay and that I really am this beautiful girl that he sees.  Even if I'm not.  I can't not be around him, but i always eat around him.  I don't know what to do about that ha.  I'm working on it.  I hate lying to him, lying right to his face.  Its really hard, and seems so wrong.  He doesn't deserve it.

"Just a little bit stronger, just a little bit wiser, just a little less needy, and maybe I'd get there.  Just a little bit pretty, just a little more aware, just a little bit thinner, and maybe I'd get there."

Dear Ana,

Dear Ana,

I missed you.  I'm back, to stay.  I feel like such a fake and a fraud for losing everything I worked for.  Or really, gaining it.  It sucks.  I'm done letting other people control me.  I'm controlling me now, and no one can get in the way of that again.  Not my mom, not my family, not anyone.  I've been ripped away from you for so long now, its like I've forgotten everything.  I'm ready for a fresh start.  A real one.  I missed reading all thses girls' blogs and seeing how they're doing.  I missed getting help from their experiences too.  I need these blogs, this help.  I'm ready to start all over.  I began a couple days ago, starting at a disgusting 150 lbs...pretty much your typical wannarexic.  I don't care though, I know I'm probably different that a lot of other girls following Pro Ana sites, and hanging around with Ana...I know I'm not stick skinny right now.  I want to be though, more than anything in the world.  It means so much to me to make this happen.  I feel embarassed to have left for so long, and now to come back, so pathetic and revolting.  I'm going to fix it though.  I'm sixteen now...its given me some empowerment.  I'm making myself better.  Changing all the mistakes that I've made.  I'm her to stay Ana...I could never leave again. 

Lacie Stanton.

First day back.

I'm back.  My mom trusts me again and so I have more privacy now.  I'm so terrible you guys.  I have to start all over now.  My mom made me eat and made me gain.  I'm so annoyed.  I lost 20 pounds, and its all back now because my stupid family has been watching me like a damn hawk.  I need to lost it all before school.  I have like a month, I'm going to try so hard. But I need help, its been so long I barely remember any of my tricks or tips that I learned from all you guys.  So please, post comments and suppoort.  Tomorrow starts my first day back, and I'm going for 100 calories, and some exercise.  Wish me luck, I'm scared to be backk. I don't know how I'll do ): 

Screwed.

My cousin found this blog, and knew it was me. So I can't post anymore. Its been hard for me to even get on. Eating still sucks. I wish I had help. Love you all, miss you.

Lacie.

So I'm a Mess

I practically pushed Ana out the door with the way I have been eating.  I'm pretty much pathetic, and now I'm such a mess.  Its been months since I've taken this seriously, and I don't know why.  So right now is my new beginning.  I'm going to pretend I'm just staring, because I lost more weight that way.  I'm going to begin posting every day to every other day on here again like I always used to.  I'm going to do this right again.

I'm going online looking around like I did when I first began.  I'm reading all your blogs and I'm looking through pro ana sites like crazy.  I have to get some kind of motivation back, some kind of inspiration.  I'm apologizing to myself for letting this get away from me and ignoring the scale in my bathroom.  I can't let this get away.  I know that I have the strength.  I've lost weight before, I can do it again.  I don't need food.  I really don't.

Today is beginning a fast.  Its past 12 am, and I'm not going to eat until Tuesday night.  When that comes I'm going to eat soup.  It'll only be 140 calories.  Until then I'm not going to let any calories slip in.  None, I'm not even putting the usual tiny five calorie drop of half and half in my coffee.  I'm going to get back on track, the way I should be.

I am meant to be thin.  I just know it.  My goal weight right now is still 100.  But before that I need to get to 125.  I'm 135 right now, So once I get to 130, then I'll be closer.  I'm begging to get back to this.  I don't want to be fat anymore.  I don't want it.  I want thin, Its all that matters to me.  I promise I won't abondon Ana again, I'm so sorry to myself and to her.  I'm back for good, I promise.  I need to be hungry.

Lacie.

Sad.

I haven't been posting lately because I'm just so sad all the time, and since I'm sad, I haven't been eating a normal amount. I have been eating far too much. I need to stop. I have a little over two weeks before florida, and I want to be 125 by the time I leave. I think I can do it.

Softball started so I get the right amount of exercise, plus I get some muscle from it. Thats good. I am really going to go back to restricting what I eat again. I need to work hard for this. I want it, because I have to start wearing bathing suits soon, and I'm way too embarassed. I'm just so nasty and fat.

I have had 300 calories today so far. I had oatmeal for breakfast (100) and I had a raisin bagel for lunch (200). I am not going to eat until after softball, and that will be soup which is going to be 120 calories. That means that my total will be below 500...Thankgod. I won't let myself eat anything more after that, I swear.

Wish me luck!

Starve on,
Lacie.

Neglect

I've been neglecting my posting lately because I have just been doing so horribly ):  Like I've been signing on, I just haven't posted lately because I feel like I don't belong right now, because I've just been such a fraud.  Today was a little better than I have been, but nothing special.  I keep staying between 130 and 135, just up and down and up and down, never below.  Tomorrows beginning a new school week though, and I'm gonna work really hard.  I need to lost some weight, atleast five more pounds. Pleaseee ): 

Starve on,
Lacie.