Discipline is remembering what you want.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Dear Ana,

Dear Ana,

I missed you.  I'm back, to stay.  I feel like such a fake and a fraud for losing everything I worked for.  Or really, gaining it.  It sucks.  I'm done letting other people control me.  I'm controlling me now, and no one can get in the way of that again.  Not my mom, not my family, not anyone.  I've been ripped away from you for so long now, its like I've forgotten everything.  I'm ready for a fresh start.  A real one.  I missed reading all thses girls' blogs and seeing how they're doing.  I missed getting help from their experiences too.  I need these blogs, this help.  I'm ready to start all over.  I began a couple days ago, starting at a disgusting 150 lbs...pretty much your typical wannarexic.  I don't care though, I know I'm probably different that a lot of other girls following Pro Ana sites, and hanging around with Ana...I know I'm not stick skinny right now.  I want to be though, more than anything in the world.  It means so much to me to make this happen.  I feel embarassed to have left for so long, and now to come back, so pathetic and revolting.  I'm going to fix it though.  I'm sixteen now...its given me some empowerment.  I'm making myself better.  Changing all the mistakes that I've made.  I'm her to stay Ana...I could never leave again. 

Lacie Stanton.

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