Discipline is remembering what you want.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Dying to be thinnnn.

I just want to be skinny so badddd.  I'm working so hard.  I haven't eaten barely at all todayy.  I had the cinnamon raisin bagel I mentioned earlier (190), and then I had some of my moms chicken and rice (only a tiny bit) because she wanted me to.  I don't think that was that much.  I also ran today.

I don't think I'm going to eat at all tomorrow though, because I'm not running because I'm missing trackk.  And if I do eat...It will be 200 calories or less, and then I plan to burn that off on the treadmill (just like walking or something).

I really really need to be thinnnn.  I just want it so bad.  Thats why I'm really concentrating now and working hard to not eat and to exercise and stuff.  I've learned that hunger is my body's way of saying "good job, you didn't need that anyway."

I wish this wasn't so hard though /:  Being thin comes so easy for so many girls.  They don't do anything, and they look perfect.  Thats not fair.  I think god should have made it fair and given everybody the same metabolism and the same starting body.  Then everyone could be equal and no one would get a free ride.  We'd either all have to work hard to look beauty, or we'd all just be naturally skinny and perfect.

I will not eat the rest of tonight.  I promise myself that.  I am 132 right now.  I think that by tomorrow night (if I don't eat at all tomorrow)  I could get down to 130.  I really hope so.  Or atleast closer to that.  I want to be 125 so bad.  I think as soon as I reach that number...I will feel like I can reach any number.

I will be skinny...I have to be.  I'd rather die than be fat anymoree.

Starve on,

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