Discipline is remembering what you want.

Sunday, December 27, 2009


I'm so lonely lately.  I feel like if i had a friend who was just like me, then this would be so much easier.  Like i wish i had an Ana-buddy.  I wish that somebody read my blog so then they'd see that i need help.  I just want someone who understands who will always be there to talk to, so i could like text them or something.  I just feel like i'm alone in all this, even though i know there are so many more girls like me.  I wish i could connect with one of them.  I just need help, someone to push me along, and i could help them too.

Today was bad.  I didn't do well at all and i don't really want to talk about it.  The good news is that i haven't gained any weight from the christmas rush.  That was such a shock.  I need to really get back in the swing of things though.  I'm just doing so badly at calorie counting.  I've changed my mind and decided to go back to a food journal, but i'm going to do it a little differently than i was before.  I hope it helps.

Tomorrow i don't think i'm going to eat.  Its like i would eat 100 calories a day, but as soon as i eat one thing, i wanna eat EVERYTHING!  And its like i have no control anymore.  I feel best when i don't eat at all, or eat like negetive calorie things.  I might eat an apple tomorrow, and then i'll just have water or zero calorie sodas.  I think that would be best.  I usually have trouble decideing WHEN to eat the one apple though.  Like, i like to feel hungry, so maybe i just won't eat it at all.  I don't know, whatever.  I'm going to figure it out.

I really just need someone.  I hope that maybe someone will read this, and they'll see that i need help.  I just want a friend that can help me and that i can help.  I need someone really bad ):

Stay strong, starve on,

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