Zero is my favorite number. Its just perfect. Zero calories, a size zero, whats better than that? I just weighed myself today and i'm finally down to 140. I'm so happy, i even made myself a salad as a reward haha. I'm going to a sleepover tonight with my friend Kate, and i hope that i don't eat that much. I'm going to try to be really strong because Kates really fun and usually she's really into sweets and ice cream, and those things will be difficult to avoid with her. But i'm going to do the best that i can.

Soon i'm going to be to 135, and i can't stand the weight. I"m really going to step it up, maybe try some fasting and stuff like that. I almost made myself throw up last night because i thought that i ate too much. I was with my boyfriend and his family had this pasta, and i just felt bad to not eat it because they made me a plate and everything. But afterward i just felt awful about what i ate and wanted to be sick, but it hurts to make myself throw up. And i'm not very good at it so i just didn't.

Its hard to believe that i've lost ten pounds. I never thought i'd be good at this, at not eating and running and working out and stuff. But i am, and it makes everything work, and its going to make me thinner.

I missed school today and i am so upset, i really wanted to run. I am so mad that i missed track, that just means that i can hardly eat anything especially today because i'm not burning anything off. I asked one of my friends to grab my sneakers out of my locker so that i can run this weekend, because i really have to. I really hope she gets them for me.

I'm glad i won't be home tonight though because then i won't be forced to eat dinner with my family, and now that my mom is beginning to notice she is making meals that are like my favorite. Plus, she just went grocery shopping and she usually never buys like cookies and all that good stuff but she did this time, probably hoping that i would be week and eat them. I will not be weak, i will be strong.

I like feeling empty. I like the feeling of being hungry because it makes me feel like i'm doing good. Sometimes i'll find myself waiting for hunger to come back to me after i eat something, like i cling to the feeling. Its like the only thing that makes me feel like i'm doing well, other than the number on the scale.

Since i ate that salad today (190), i will be trying to eat nothing else. I like low numbers, and like i said before i like to stay to 300 calories or lower for a day. I really like it when i'm 0 calories, or better yet, negetive. Negetive calories is when i work out, and i don't barely eat all day and then i'm negetive, which is the best feeling in the world. Negetive is better than perfect. I want to be better than perfect.

I will be thin,
Lacie.