Discipline is remembering what you want.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Dear Ana,
I am so sorry for the last two days.  I was so awful to you.  I ignored you and acted like you didn't exist.  I ate everything in the world and i didn't let you talk me out of it.  I haven't even exercised because i've been so busy with Christmas and all.  That was my downfall.  It was like...COOKIE RUSH! all week.  It was like all my will power and self control were just gone.  I'm going to fix this.  Christmas is over now, and i'm going to control myself again.  I'm going to control my weight.  I don't know exactly what i weigh right now because i'm too scared to step on the scale.  But my new goal is to be 130 by new years.  If i do better than that then i'll be happy.  I just don't wanna set my goals too low again.  Its too much of a let down when i don't reach them, and i figure it would feel amazing if i did better than my goal...so thats my plan.  I don't think i'm going to keep my food diary anymore...i just don't feel like it.  I remember everything i eat and the calorie count anyway, so theres no point.  I'll probably just write the stuff down on here.  For the next couple of days i am doing a 50 calorie fast.  I am going to live to it too.  I'll probably get the 50 calories in one meal, unless i split them up between a couple.  I don't know though, that could be difficult.  I might just eat like, egg whites with ketchup because thats only 41 calories.  Then i could have a 5 calorie jello if i feel like it, and i'd be at 46 calories.  Then i could just be done for the day.  My new best friends are sprite zero and cherry coke zero.  I love them.  I love you too Ana...and i'm still so sorry about all this horrible food i've shoved at you.  No more, i promise.  I will be 130 by new years, maybe less.  I need you around, i honestly don't think i could live without you anymore, you're too much a part of me and i love you.  I hate that i made you feel awful over the holidays, i won't do it again.  Things will be better from now on.  I will exercise everyday, 30 - 60 minutes on the treadmill.  I'll show you that i love you and won't ever leave you.  I promise you that.  Other than my horrible eating habbits, Christmas was good.  I got a nice new digital nikon L100 camera, so i'm hoping that will be a good distraction for me now.  I'm going to take some amazing pictures, i'll post some on here.  Anyway, its about bed time, so goodnight Ana.
Sincerely sorry,

I took this with my new camera...Sprite Zero <3

1 comment:

  1. why did you drink these treats? why are you calling beverages friends? wtf? it doesn't sound like you are following your own advice. you failed your christmas goal. i expected a post revealing punishment, not reward.

    you quote: thou shall not eat without punishing thyself. how do you punish yourself after all of that eating you do? do you drink bleach each time or something? i'm starting to doubt you follow any of your rules. exercise isn't a punishment.

    i haven't had anything to eat or drink since finding this blog. after all, like you said: being thin is more important than being healthy.