Discipline is remembering what you want.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Call me fat

I need someone to tell me I'm fat.  Maybe then I really will stop binging and eating like normal.  I don't want to be normal!  I want to be beautiful and unique and pretty and skinny.  I want to be underweight...not "healthy". 

Tomorrow is sunday, and that starts a new week.  This week will be better.  I know it will.  I'm gonna fast tomorrow, and I'm going to just keep fasting for as long as I can.  I wanna go for more than two days.  The only things I will have are water, diet coke, or tea...no solid food ever.  No calories in me ever. 

I swear I must have eaten like a million calories today.  I can't even remember what I ate!  Thats the worst thing...when you eat so much that you can't remember it all.  It had to be more than 1000 calories.  It just had to.  God i'm so disgusting.

I'm so fat and ugly and imperfect.  I hate myself.  I won't be happy until I am thin.  Right now, I want to weigh 100 pounds, but once I weigh that, I plan to go down to 95, and then maybe 90.  I need to be skinny.  I'm so sick of looking the way I do, and feeling the way I do.  Its terrible, I'm terrible.  I don't even know why anybody talks to me.  Ugh.

Starve on,


  1. everytime you post, i think... that's me.
    I'm so ashamed of myself that I don't want to blog about it...

  2. (im sorry for what i am writing, but i sometimes wish someone would say this to me too. i hope it helps, if not i am so so so sorry.)

    you are so fucking fat, i don't understand why you cant get it together and just stick to the plan. if you just behave for a couple of weeks, you could finally be thin. get it together! its not that fucking hard!

    (forgive me)