I actually did something i said i was going to do for once. Last night i cut my right hip for my terrible day. Tonighti cut my left hip for being a victim of peanut butter. I ate too much today. I was doing so well all day, i hadn't eaten at all until i got home. Its like peanut butter is a drug. I love it so much. I need to get rid of it...but everyone else in my house would notice. Ugh i hate my life. Tomorrow is the start of a complete fast, and its going to last for a long time.
I am so tired of messing up, so tired of failing and so tired of being fat. i'm still at 130, and i need to be 125 now. I want it so bad. I don't understand why if i want this so bad i let myself stray from my fasts and from Ana. I let myself eat, and i eat too much. I'm just too fat and too much of a pig. I'm so sick of being disgusting. I want to be 100 pounds. I need it. I will do it.
Had track today, which will atleast take away some of the 600 - 700 calories that i shoved in my mouth today. I hope so. Tomorrows a harder track workout, maybe like six miles. All i have to say to that is thanks to my coach. He'll be the first person i thank when i reach 100. He pushes me, and he's helping me get to where i want to be. And he doesn't even know it. He's gonna make my dreams come true.
Him and Ana.
8 years ago