Discipline is remembering what you want.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I told him.

Today was good and bad.  I told Brian about my problems, the cutting and not eating, and I told Justin about the cutting.  In a way i felt better that they knew, but in a way i didn't feel so good that they knew.  Its just like, I know all these other girls are here to talk to, but I still feel really alone sometimes.  I just want to have someone who I can talk to, or cry to if I need. 

Sometimes I just get really upset, and then I feel really alone and i have no one to talk to because Brian wouldn't know, and Justin wouldn't know, and it would just suck.  Justin tried to blame himself...its not his fault.  Its my fault him and I broke up, and its my fault that I couldn't move on.  I would never blame him for being happy without me.  He should be.  Its all my fault anyway.  I'm just a sucky person, and I always will be.  But when i'm skinnier, no one will be able to see that I suck...they'll just see that my thighs don't touch in the middle.

I'm not in the mood to write so much tonight, I'm too tired and too upset.  I just want to sleep and start all over again tomorrow.  I really am going to do better.  I swear.  I'm going to constantly distract myself.  Eat to live, don't live to eat.

Starve on,


  1. Hey Kid,
    I hope that their reaction wasn't bad. Maybe it will be better if someone you really love knows everything.
    But if you need a webfriend, I can totally help you

  2. Brian reacted pretty well compared to how I thoughhht. He was just kind of shocked because i act pretty happy and okay all the time. He tried to like convince me out of it too and tell me I was fine and all...I just told him it wasn't good enough. Justin was angry and kind of upset though, but whatever /: And thanks so muchh, I'll remember you're around (: